...And a Happy New Year!

2010 is here, and brought me an app to further avoid my laptop. This is where I impart my wisdom and insight gained from 2009, so brace yourselves...








And that's about it.
As for my plans for 2010? One day at a time, and I'm still working on tomorrow.

Happy New Year- may every day bring you the joy of loved ones, the hope of future blessings, and peace of mind and heart.

Bringing My Baby Home- the 2nd Time.

I've been waiting and waiting and I have come to conclude that there are some things people will never talk about. I am not people, so here goes.
It was a day like today. Maybe not as cold, but there was nothing particularly special or unique about it. Until 4pm, when I investigated too quiet Quinn and found her holding an empty bottle of Visine. It had been 2/3 full when I left it on my bathroom sink that morning. I was told she would be fine- but something told me to make another call. Poison Control sent an ambulance after 2 hours and Quinn becoming increasingly lethargic, sweaty, and limp.
In the ambulance, holding what was a shell of my tiny sweet snuggly baby, I realized one thing. I could only hold her, I could not hold on to her, and if she was to leave us, well, I think that's about when I stopped thinking. That's when it became about holding myself together until we knew. In a flash we were in the emergency room, filled with people, I don't know who they were, there were so many. A woman starts to ask me the obligatory insurance/admission information, then someone is trying to start an IV and Quinn is screaming "Let go! Let me go!"
And I am beside her, looking in her eyes, telling her she will be fine, everything will be alright. I am not wondering if I am telling her lies- I am sure I am lying, but I don't know what else to say.
So I keep telling her the only truth I know- how much we all love her. I watch her heart rate like I could do something if it changed, as after a while the atropine wears off and it slows down again. I am a liar, and I am useless, but I love my daughter and I was not falling apart until we knew. She cries every time she passes urine through her catheter. It is the only thing she does for several hours. We are transferred to the PICU in another hospital by another ambulance- I can't understand why they want her car seat for the ride. The hospital has a crib that could keep a monkey from leaving, and gets a few nurses flustered in opening and closing the sides. I can barely keep my eyes open- and I am so very scared to close them. A few more hours, a few more doctors, and I give in- as soon as I open my eyes I feel like I have failed some test. It is ridiculous and inhuman, but somehow, I should not need sleep when this is happening to my baby. My baby sleeps for several more hours, waking for a few moments here and there, taking a bite of something or a drink of juice, then immediately lying back down to sleep.
That afternoon, the day after, she was released from the hospital. There were no lasting effects- except that now she asks for juice more often.
There was a certain person and her story I kept thinking of throughout this whole experience. I thought of her at her child's side, and even if I was a liar and useless, I knew it was important to be right there and be present- because of her. I took strength from knowing that she survived, even after they knew. I wish I could tell her how much she and her daughter helped me that night, and how much I thought about them. I wish I could thank her. I wish I could thank her daughter.
I was lucky, I was blessed, and I thank God- often.
I got to bring my baby home.
I got to bring my baby back home.

Ready for the Good Times?

Recently I read or heard something about being overwhelmed by the sorrows of the world. I wish I'd written it down... Anyhow, it was about how seeing and hearing of all the horrifying things that happen every day can blind us from the good. This is why I never watched the news. Now I'm going to have to ban myself from my Ipod news apps. They're slightly addictive- I have ABC, CBS, WCCO, and USA Today. Yesterday a 6 month-old in a stroller was hit and killed by an SUV. Just a mom dropping her kid off at school, trying to get somewhere else, and she forgot to look, or couldn't see, etc. It's all I could think about today. And I was blinded. I know the news is almost always bad, and I believe it will get worse- just like each season of the Real World. It steals my hope and stains my joy. What comes at me off the air/offline is what is meant for me to take on. What I search for in addition to that is what I do to myself. Good times? You ready? Well, guess what, they are happening all around you. They are the kids making a new friend at the playground, the feeling you get after exercising, the ice cream you eat after exercising, and so on. I hope my eyes will be more open now.

LEAVE IT.

Every day there is some wrong done to each of us, and every day we decide whether to carry it along, or leave it. As someone who is constantly saying "Leave it!" to 2 small sticky-fingered individuals, I should know better.
So here goes:
dear mini-van driver that double-parked in the few allotted spaces for preschool parents and made me 10 minutes late trying to find parking, I forgive you.
dear small white compact car with no children in it that took the space I was waiting for after seeing double-parked mini-van and telling my baby to stop crying, I forgive you.
dear people who I committed my time and energy to helping but do not call and inform me of anything that has changed and expect me to know exactly what you want from me without asking me and fail to communicate anything without prompting, I forgive you.
dear self who sometimes turns on dinosaur movies instead of reading books and turns up the music in the car when the kids are crying and struggles with leaving it, I forgive you.

Do yourself a favor, too- Leave it.

5 Reasons I Love School... NOW.

5. I have a reasonable amount of time and sanity available in the morning to get errands done.

4. The bus, the bus, the bus, hooray, the bus, the bus, the bus!

3. I can say with absolute certainty that I currently understand everything my child is learning.

2. Did I mention the bus?

1. I DON'T HAVE TO GO!

5 Things I Wish:

5. That when husbands were about to say something that hurt your feelings, a little fairy would come along, close their mouth, put flowers in one hand, and chocolates in the other.

4. That scientists would have named dinosaurs things I could pronounce and spell- such as "cat" and "dog". (Eustreptospondylus and Tuojiangosaurus, come on, really?)

3. That Starbucks had a delivery service. (Yes, I would pay $2 delivery fee for my $5 coffee- that's how much sanity means to me. Yes, I equate being highly caffeinated with being sane. )

2. That I could have a human-size tube (the kind they use at bank drive-thrus) that went directly from here to a certain point in Chicago, and whenever I felt like it, I could hop in, press a button, and be shot through in seconds. (See ya later, kiddos!!!)

1. That the burdens we bear weren't so heavy.

*Your Name Here* Post

Calling all advertisers! I'm ready to re-title my blog. We'll just throw the name of your company in front of my title and WOW. Watch the money pour in. We could even sell the title to each post- wouldn't that be awesome? You could paste your logo all over my page!!! You could blink it, flash it, link it! Wouldn't that be sweet?
Ugh. Go re-name another stadium/ballpark/arena. Pop your logo at the bottom of my favorite TV shows, or sponsor their maps. (Sounding deadly?) It's tiring seeing all these penny-makers and their blogs covered in ads from any company who'll pay.
Want to endorse me? Here's the short list of acceptable advertisers: KLOVE, Starbucks, In'N'Out Burger, and Chick-Fil-A.
That doesn't include good causes, which are United Blood Services, Locks of Love, and March of Dimes.
Think about it next time you're headed to the Bank .Com University Department Store Stock Company Hotel Chain Field of Advertisers.

Who are YOU advertising for?

POP QUIZ!

What does 7+ days of diarrhea, 2 rashes, 3 changes of clothes/day, 3-4 refills of Pedialyte, and a healthy 4 year-old equal?



SCROLL DOWN FOR THE ANSWER-
(unless you've lived it already...)









Movie time. Thank goodness there's about 20 Land Before Time movies. Even better- they don't mind if I don't watch with them. That equals blog time for Mommy! Sigh...

The Top 5 Things That Make Me Tired... Today.

5. Swimming lessons in 110 degree heat.

4. 4 year-olds that dismantle valences during "rest" time.

3. Wondering what DO crickets eat, and trying to remember to Google it.

2. Hoping that infinite wisdom will go on sale at Costco.

1. It is way, way, way too hot to be drinking coffee- no Starbucks Triple White Mocha. (No, I don't drink iced coffee, thanks.)

Speeding!

I'm moving too fast. I can see that I am, but I'm not sure how to slow down without stopping completely. I thought I was just trying to keep up with everything else- turns out I caught up and flew by some distance ago. The worst part is, I am not moving only me; I am pulling my girls right along with me. And I keep thinking I hear them tell me to slow down, but I just worry if I slow down too much I will miss everything. Surprise- CRASH! Brick wall, face first, me. Let's just call the wall "bunk beds". Apparently, the equation of bunk beds+22 month old NEVER equals sleep... There should be a warning label. My other wake-up call was a post titled "60 seconds" on Newborn Identity. If you go there, bring tissues. The link is in my bloglist. Slow down, now, and take a minute- look at that little face that has been driving you up a wall- and pray for Mike and Heather.

Seeing and Breathing

There are certain things we hope we never experience. They are unimaginable, unfathomable, and incomprehensible. This has been on my mind since the first time I found a blog titled "The Spohrs are Multiplying". Heather wrote about her little sidekick, Maddie- and the way she wrote, was the way I feel about my little sidekicks. Then I got to the end and all the air got sucked out of me- her little buddy wasn't with us any more. See- no air. Each day I find myself in moments where I think of Heather- a mom, a wife, and a stranger. And I am a little lost. Is there healing after? I would think of it as losing a limb- everything you do is different because it is gone, and it will never be again. Heather still writes her blog, and it is raw, sharp, and piercing. I see things a little clearer because of her. For little while, anyway...

www.remembermaddie.com

The Dark Side...

It's not something anyone likes to talk about, but we all feel it within. Some of us more than others, depending on a given situation. It's not about love- love is the easy part. If love was only requirement of a parent, Nancy Grace wouldn't have a job. The dark side calls us as we grow more tired, more stressed, and more lonely. It beckons as our children cry and test the limits of our patience constantly. What keeps us from crossing over? How do we remain in social acceptance? I have seen the results of crossing over- that definitely is part of it. Maybe it's a Yoda, or you're lucky enough to have discovered the Force, and can call on Him when you need to. The bottom line is this: we see Vader, and we understand. We know what it's like not to be able to quiet the crying baby, to not have slept for days, and to wonder what happened to our lives. We know what brings you to the dark side- I wish we could be better at keeping you from the fall. You are not alone, and I wish you could see and feel that.

Bookaholics Anonymous

I have been anxiously anticipating the opening of our library for months. Now that it's open and I have an invitation into hundreds of books NOT on parenting your toddler, I am hesitant and apprehensive. I love reading, love it. To distraction, and irritability by distractions. I easily become entranced in the characters and their world, often thinking about them long after putting the book down to do other things. Like eat, sleep, and take care of the kids. And I love my kids, absolutely and completely. I guess it's an odd dilemma, and common sense says to read during naps and after they go to bed. This is where I liken it to an addiction- I have to read, I can't put it down, what happens next might be the pivotal plot-turning event. Book Club? Too limiting- I usually finish any book I start in 1-2 days. Take that to the end of the month with the Swiss cheese brain developed through 2 pregnancies. Ha. This is a revolving door problem- and I don't know if I want to be outside or inside. Truthfully, I want to keep going around- realistically, I get nauseous from turning in circles.

5 Things I'll Never Understand

5. People who don't realize that death does not equal vaporization of self and all worldly belongings.
4. Toys made to work 1-2 times, delighting the child, then never again.
3. EMO... WHAT is it? I can never get a straight answer- even from the kids who are "emo".
2. Preferring the floor instead of the toddler bed.
1. The attraction of drinking bubble liquid- not tasting, drinking. That and bath water...

I admit those aren't the only things I'll never understand- just my current top 5.
Summer television programming is AWESOME. I can't believe I'm watching a show on bratty teenage girls on Lifetime, and it's the only thing that's not a rerun. Ugh.

What I Want...

World peace?
How about home peace?
A quiet day where the children do not scream even a little.
They read books they take off the shelf, one at a time, and then return them when finished.
They listen to me when I tell them not to stand on chairs, sofas, tables, and animals.
They go to the potty- without getting up and making a puddle on the carpet.
BLAH BLAH BLAH.
Since none of that is reality, I guess I'll settle for Excedrin and Coke.